What does it mean to be a man? This is a question that I have wrestled with pretty much since I began to wonder if I was actually that man that I was wanting to be. Short of carrying an X and Y chromosome, putting on pants, and shaving my face, I have sought to create a portrait in my mind of true and "excellent" masculinity.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that is actively conducting a full on, frontal assault on men and masculinity. It either defines masculinity in such a way that is so toxic that no reasonable person should pursue it, paints men as such bumbling idiots that any XY individual with half of a brain would find that caricature to be down-right insulting, or it defines masculine roles in such bland terms so as to exile men to some remote and meaningless corner of society.
To be fair, guys, we don't help ourselves either. We are entertained by or idolize bad examples and fail to lift up good examples. I have found that the emergency department is a great sampling of society. Every day I get to see all people from all walks of life and see the effects of their choices. I see men who maliciously attempt to assert their dominance. And I see men who shrink from all forms of responsibility.
This book is about being a man. Author, John Lovell, former Army Ranger, firearms instructor, and founder of the Warrior Poet Society tackles this question head on.
"Men were meant for more. And yet, everywhere we look, we are being asked to be less. As society tempts us with pleasure, comfort, and security, we can be quietly lulled into passivity, giving up the fight for what we know to be right. We do this because it is easy - for now. Like the biblical Esau, we exchange our birthright for a temporary meal, surrendering the fight of our lives for something safe and predictable, and although we play nice, many men rage inside, knowing what fools we've been, settling for less than our true inheritance... Men want purpose, respect, and significance - something noble and worthy of their strength."
How should we as men should live, think, and act? What is the portrait of the ideal or model man? In this book, John answers this question by painting a portrait of a man. He describes a duality - a dichotomy between man as a warrior and man as a poet.
Men have an innate desire to be warriors. We need a cause to fight for and a prize to defend. This drive is seen early in every boy's development. Every stick is a gun used to fight the "bad guys." Later this drive for conquest is manifested in sports or in the workplace. Men have a strong desire to be bold, courageous, and strong. Sadly, this desire, rather than being appropriately channeled is often squelched by society to the detriment of men, of families and of society. There is evil to fight and there is a prize that is worth every effort.
A man who is only a “Warrior”, however, is off balanced. In fact, this is one of the wrong caricatures of a man - one who is always and only tough, one where strength is elevated over smarts, one where courage is prized over compassion. A man who is only a warrior is not fulfilling his full calling. He needs the counterbalance of also being a “Poet.”
When we think of men as poets our initial mental image is the other side of the wrong caricature of a man. A poet is not a limp-wristed, passive creative with skinny jeans and a scarf who drinks lattes and subordinates himself to everything and everyone. A poet is one who thinks deeply, who trains his mind in philosophy, logic, and literature. A poet is kind and compassionate - one who loves his wife exclusively and stoops down to engage with his kids. A poet understands that the world is not a place to be conquered but a thing to be cultivated - that his place is not to tear down but to build.
So, a Warrior-Poet is one who is both strong and kind, courageous and smart, driven yet humble. He is one who fights evil and cultivates good. He is ruthless with the enemy but loving to everyone else. This is the idea that men are called to and that this book discusses.
My Thoughts
This book was helpful in clarifying my understanding of excellent and biblical masculinity. I have seen that all too often culture either mischaracterizes or intentionally dilutes what it means to be a true man. As described earlier, men are depicted as either self-serving aggressors or as passive or ultra-sensitive individuals taking a back seat to everything and every opportunity for influence. Nether is the proper picture of masculinity. As men we need to be strong and aggressive. Jordan Peterson says that it is good for us to nourish our inner monster. The world is an evil place, and it needs strong men who can guard and protect all that is good and right. But those same men need to have an ability to control their aggression. In order to fulfill their other roles, men need to be sensitive.
I have struggled in my own personal life to find this balance - more often through failure than through success. One particular area has been trying to decipher the appropriate balance between home and professional obligations. This book helped solidify my understanding of the importance of the home vs the importance of work. While work is very important, the most important job that I have is at home loving my wife and raising my children. As a warrior-poet, after serving and worshiping God, everything else comes after my primary role and responsibility in the home.
Throughout my reading, there are various books that I place on an essential bookshelf - if not literally than conceptually. In the category of personal development and how to live the excellent life, this book will take a place on that shelf.
"Don't be fooled by the allure of living an easy, materialistic, but ultimately meaningless, life... When you discover the great story, the one into which you were born, the one that existed before even time began, you see what you must do, what your true mission is - and it has so very little to do with you that it's humbling to be able to play a part at all. You realize this has been waiting for you all the time, your whole life till now. That's something worth living - and dying - for. That's the way of the Warrior Poet."
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