We were recently on a family camping trip, counting down the time until we reached our destination in the woods on the east shore of Lake Michigan. Everybody was getting restless and in need of much mental stimulation. As it happened, we landed on the theme of listening to the soundtracks of musicals. "The Greatest Showman" is a perennial favorite for the whole family.
Beyond simply enjoying the music (which I certainly do), I find the storyline particularly compelling and one with which I can definitely relate. The musical tells the story of P.T. Barnum. It opens with a montage of him living the innocent and naïve passion of a child with world before him, limited only by his dreams.
I close my eyes and I can see
The world that's waiting up for me
That I call my own...
'Cause every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make
Barnum marries his childhood sweetheart and begins turning his dreams into reality. He opens a curiosity show (later to become the circus) and begins developing fame and notoriety. Barnum begins making associations in aristocratic circles, ultimately culminating in a meeting with Queen Victoria. When Barnum meets famous singer Jenny Lind, he arranges a musical tour featuring her, leaving both his circus team and family behind. The song Lind is shown singing on tour begins to express the tension building in Barnum’s life.
All the shine of a thousand spotlights All the stars we steal from the night sky Will never be enough Never be enough Towers of gold are still too little These hands could hold the world but it'll Never be enough
On tour, Lind pursues Barnum romantically and Barnum is faced with a choice: Lind or his family at home. He ultimately chooses his family (displeasing Lind) but returns home to find the building for his curiosity show burning, ultimately losing everything he had built.
Though ignored by Barnum, the circus actors and his family come around and embrace Barnum as his life hits rock bottom. His wife reaffirms her commitment to him.
Some people long for a life that is simple and planned Tied with a ribbon Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land To follow what's written But I'd follow you to the great unknown Off to a world we call our own Hand in my hand And we promised to never let go We're walking the tightrope High in the sky We can see the whole world down below We're walking the tightrope Never sure, never know how far we could fall But it's all an adventure That comes with a breathtaking view Walking the tightrope
Pursuing his dreams only to have everything stripped away caused Barnum to reflect on his life, realize that he ignored those that were most important to him and ask the question about what is ultimately important. He discovered that soaring to the heights of his dreams, but doing it alone ultimately led to an unfulfilling life. Barnum reflects on the failure of his success and commits to reprioritizing things in his life and living for a renewed sense of purpose.
I saw the sun begin to dim And felt that winter wind Blow cold A man learns who is there for him When the glitter fades and the walls won't hold Cause from then, rubble What remains Can only be what's true If all was lost Is more I gain Cause it led me back To you I drank champagne with kings and queens The politicians praised my name But those are someone else's dreams The pitfalls of the man I became For years and years I chased their cheers The crazy speed of always needing more But when I stop And see you here I remember who all this was for
From now on These eyes will not be blinded by the light From now on What's waited till tomorrow starts tonight Tonight Let this promise in me start Like an anthem in my heart From now on
I find this overarching storyline to be personally compelling and insightful. A good story (whether fiction or biographical) is the great laboratory of life.
As physicians and career professionals, we are constantly living the tension that is illustrated in this musical. We spend a lot of time, effort, and money to be able to do what we do. Medicine is known for being very demanding. My wife and I say that medicine is a jealous mistress.
Lately, I have been thinking about and trying to answer the question: What is the definition of a life well lived? What gives meaning and purpose to life? How do I live now in a way that one day when I look back on the trajectory of my life, I will be content that I spent my time well, loved my family well, made an impact on my community and left a legacy for my children?
So, as we apply this practically to medicine, are there ways that we are practicing medicine right now, that when we look back at the end of a career, we say that we would do it all over again? Or are there aspects to our practice and the dynamic it creates in other spheres of our lives that we would want to change? I certainly don't have all the answers, yet. But finding the answer starts with asking the questions.
We are all at different stages in our careers. For me, I am finishing the first third. And I certainly hope to continue to have a long, meaningful, and fulfilling career in medicine. But as we seek to answer the fundamental questions and find balance between the career and competing tensions in our lives it is important to remember that there is always more medicine, more patients, more papers, more teaching hours. Compared with the demand placed on us for our time and skill, we will never be enough. We can start to bring balance when we answer the question, when is enough... Enough?
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