How many friends do you have? I'm not talking about how many connections you’ve made on Facebook or Instagram. And I’m not talking about the number of casual acquaintances that you have at work, in your community, or at the gym. What I am asking is how many genuine friends do you have?
How many people are there in your life that you could go to right now, who would pick you up from the emergency department at 2AM? Or how many people do you have in your life that you could go to and say "Hey, I am struggling with…" ...anger, depression, substance abuse, pornography, marital infidelity, parenting troubles... the list goes on. How many people have you invited into your life to hold you accountable to right living in all of these areas? I would venture to say that in the context of these questions, the number becomes quite small.
The reality is that despite the unprecedented level of connectedness that we enjoy today we are living though a pandemic of loneliness. In fact, most men are lucky to be able to name even just one person who would fit this description of a close friend. And yet in our heart of hearts, we all long for the comfort that comes in the type of relationship that finds its security in the idea that you are both fully known and fully loved.
Our hearts desire to be known and to be loved in both our successes and our failures. But to have this degree of relationship requires us to allow our weakness to be fully exposed. Instead, we erect defenses of anonymity to protect ourselves. We settle for relationships based around little more than the weather and our favorite past times rather than risk exposure for the potential reward of a deep and enduring friendship. As C.S. Lewis writes (though the original context was different),
“…like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
This book challenges our loneliness-generating natural instincts for self-preservation and encourages us to engage in covenant friendship. The author, Justin Whitmel Earley opens the book making an argument for why we need good friends. He then spends the remainder of the book exploring various different practical aspects of what comprises covenant friendship, and the benefits that come from having these friends.
This book has given me a deeper appreciation for the importance of having covenantal friendships and the vital role that covenantal friends play in the life of one seeking to live a life of excellence. Over the years, I have been blessed by having a number of people in my life that I would consider to be friends. But most relationships, unfortunately, remain at a superficial level. For me as a self-professed introvert, diving relationship involves a degree of awkwardness that takes me out of my comfort zone. This is also because deeper relationships require intimacy. Intimacy requires vulnerability. And vulnerability means opportunities for me to be hurt and exposed for who I am. This book challenged me to set aside the awkwardness that comes from exposing my failures and flaws and lean into covenant friendship. I believe that it will have the same effect for you.
I have picked up one particular habit that was modeled to me by my Dad and a good friend from an earlier chapter in my life. That is, when both men read good books, they would order extra copies to give away. For me, if I read a book and it reminds me of someone, there is a good chance that person will get a copy. This book was no exception. So, my challenge for you is this... Think of one person that you can intentionally engage in closer friendship. After you read this book, give that person a copy too.
Comments