Happy Anniversary!

Today my wife and I are celebrating our 15-year wedding anniversary.  As part of our celebration, I made a short video reminiscing over our time together both before and after we got married.  It has been good to see how both of us have grown both personally and together as a family.

I recently had a resident rotating with me who was about to embark on this amazing journey called marriage.  Days before tying the knot, I gave him three pieces of advice.  I told him that after your wife, you need to have several people on your team in order to have a successful marriage.

Pastor

The first person you need is a pastor.  I say pastor because I come from the Christian persuasion.  But each faith tradition has a person who fits this role.  This individual can be a priest, rabbi, counselor, etc.  Essentially, you need someone who can tell you the truth - about who you are and how you should engage together as a couple.  Marriage is the melding of two personalities.  And while there are times when that seems to happen naturally, there are also times when personalities clash and conflicts emerge.  It is vitally that you have someone who can speak truth to you, show you where wrong, and point you in the right direction.

We have had a number of people in our lives over the past 15 years that have a number of people who have helped us along the way.  We want to specifically acknowledge and thank Chris and Beth, Daryle and Jean, Dave and Melissa, and many countless more people who have been helpful in pointing us to the truth.

Babysitter

Dating doesn’t stop the minute you get married.  One of the biggest pieces of advice that I have been given for longevity in marriage is maintaining a regular date night.  This is a time that you take, away from the normal routine and busyness of life, to focus on her and your relationship together.  It is a time set aside the distractions of daily life and to remind you of your youthful affection and reengage as a couple.

Early in marriage, this is easy.  But as the kids begin to pile up, finding that time and space becomes more and more difficult.  And one of the major obstacles is finding someone to watch your kids while you are away.  But the difficulty created by logistics does not mitigate the importance and necessity of finding that time for just you two.

For us, the more kids we have, the more difficult this has become.  But we have been blessed with some amazing friends with kids of their own who have served us by watching our kids so that we can get out.

Florist

The third person you need is a florist.  Guys, as a general rule, your girlfriend, fiancé or wife appreciates flowers for a number of reasons.  Flowers provide a colorful and fresh aesthetic to your home.  But more than that, they represent thoughtful, intentionality in a relationship.  There is a reason that my wife doesn't buy me flowers - they just don't mean much to me.  So, buying flowers for her represents thoughtfulness outside of the context of something that would be natural to me. 

When we moved to our current home, I made it a point to get my wife a bouquet of flowers every month.  I want her to have something that can brighten our kitchen and also be a reminder that I am thinking of her.  Now, 6 years later, my kids have detected this trend and remind my wife that flowers are soon coming.

Jeweler

The final person that you need on your team is a good jeweler.  Of course, you will need someone to help you pick out your engagement ring and wedding bands.  But this person will continue to be important throughout your married life.  First, because her ring will periodically need to be cleaned and setting prongs will need to be tightened.  But also, because you should, from time-to-time, get her some nice jewelry.

Similar to flowers, giving jewelry is an aesthetic gift that represents purposeful intentionality and can express value and worth in a relationship.  However, unlike flowers, jewelry is a long-lasting symbol.  It is worn again and again.  It serves as a repeated reminder of the value that you place on your relationship.  And since jewelry tends to be more expensive and therefore given less frequently, it can be used to represent milestones in a relationship.

In our marriage, I have made it a habit to give my wife a nice piece of jewelry every 5 years.  On year 0, I gave my wife her engagement ring and wedding band.  5 years later I made her a necklace with the monogram of our initials that we used for our wedding programs.  On year 10, I made her a formal earring and necklace set with her birthstones.  And this year, I made her a ruby necklace with a double helix pendant.  Each has a particular story and carries a specific meaning.  As we were driving home yesterday as a family, I told my kids that these pieces are supposed to represent intentionality now and be pieces that can be passed through subsequent generations of our family and represent our legacy. 

So there you have it, over the past 15 years, my wife and I have certainly had a number of struggles and things that we have had to deal with together.  But with a healthy dose of commitment and a few practical strategies we have made it this far and intend to finish the race - however long that race may be.  So, while this is not an exhaustive list of things necessary to have a long lasting and vibrant marriage, these are three things that I have found to be a specific importance.  To all you guys out there who are married or hope to be, I hope you find this helpful.  And to my wonderful wife, Happy Anniversary!  I love you and look forward to many more.